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39 Posts

Posted - 08/08/2006 :  8:01:25 PM  Show Profile
I thought I begin this thread to collect the jokes that are generated around this war.
War is a pretty serious thing and the images have been horrific. But one of the aspects of Lebanese resistance and survival through the past 30 years of war has been "Jokes". That is how we Lebanese "fight the ennemy" and tease our friends.

Please use this thread ONLY to post any joke you have about the current conflict. Thank you.


Olmert was sitting in his office wondering how to invade Lebanon when his
telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Olmert!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Abul Abed,
down at the tea house in Beirut! I am callin` to tell ya dat we are
officially declaring war on you, yes you!"

"Well" Olmert replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your

"Right now," said Abul Abed, after a moments calculation "there is myself,
my cousin Mustafa, me next-door-neighbor Abou khaled, and the whole team
from the tea house. That makes eight!"

Olmert paused. "I must tell you Abul Abed, that I have one million men in
my army waiting to move on my command."

"Holy jeez," said Abul Abed. "I`ll have to call ya back!" Sure enough, the
next day, Abul Abed called again. "Mr. Olmert, the war is still on! We have
managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Abul Abed?", Olmert asked. "Well sir, we
have two Mercedes 180, and a truck."

Olmert sighed. "I must tell you Abul Abed, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I`ve increased my army to one and a
half million since we last spoke."

"Ya lateef", said A Abul Abed, "I`ll be getting back to ya." Sure enough,
Abul Abed rang again the next day. "Mr. Olmert , the war is still on! We
have managed to get ourselves airborne! We modified a helicopter with a
couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four more neighbors have joined us
as well!"

Olmert was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you
Abul Abed that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I`ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Lah lah lah lah," said Abul Abed, "I`ll have to call you back."

Sure enough, Abul Abed called again the next day. "Olmert I am sorry to
have to tell you dat we have had to call off this war." "I`m sorry to hear
that" said Olmert. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well, sir," said Abul Abed, "we`ve all sat ourselves down and had a long
chat, and come to realize that there's no way we can feed two million



27 Posts

Posted - 08/16/2006 :  1:17:01 PM  Show Profile
A recent 'FW':

Hassan Nasrallah decided to send someone to make the negotiations with Israel...

After taking many opinions, he chose Haifa Wehbé. After 3 days, Haifa came back to Lebanon Pregnant!!! Hassan, upset, said: "We sent you there to find a solution for the current situation... but not to sleep with the enemy"

Haifa replied with a smile: "Habibi Hassan, Israel refused all
your proposals so I brought you a hostage"

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love and peace

4 Posts

Posted - 08/27/2006 :  5:40:52 PM  Show Profile
Why did a lot of Lebanese cancell their dental appointments ???
Afraid the dentist will put a "BRIDGE" in their mouths ?
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16 Posts

Posted - 08/30/2006 :  06:56:40 AM  Show Profile
Amid a mass evacuation of foreign nationals from Lebanon, Palestinian refugees who have been stranded in Lebanon for nearly 60 years are ecstatic: the Palestinian Authority has decided to evacuate its nationals as well
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16 Posts

Posted - 08/30/2006 :  06:58:11 AM  Show Profile
An Israeli recently arrives at London's Heathrow airport. As he fills out a form, the customs officer asks him: "Occupation?"

The Israeli promptly replies: "No, just visiting!"
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